For the mentally challenged

Subject: For the mentally challenged Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:36 pm

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm happily married - but my wife isn't
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
I thought about being born again, but my mother refused..
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
It wasn't actually a divorce - I was traded
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Robin Hood was a terrorist
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it
Shake well before and after use
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion..
The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash..
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes..
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
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WHERE'S THE RAKE???
There is this guy doing yard work with his wife, and the wife gets tired and decides to go inside and take a shower. The guy finishes clipping and looks for the rake, but can't find it. He catches a glimpse of his wife in the upstairs bathroom window, and yells to her, "Hey honey - where's the rake?"

She opens the window and yells down, "What?"

He tries again, but again she yells "What?"

So he points to his eye [ I ], points to his knee [ need ], and then makes raking motions [ the rake ].

"What?" she yells.

So he goes through the whole routine again. She nods like she gets it, and then points to her eye, points to her left breast, points to her ass, and then to her crotch.

Her husband is totally confused (and somewhat aroused), so he goes in the house and upstairs and leans around the corner: "What did you say?"

She says, " I *said*: eye, left tit, behind, the bush!